Hello, lovely! Alecia St. Germain here, and welcome back to the Conscious Edge podcast. Jonathan and I had a heart-to-heart discussion recently that I just had to share with you all. We delved into the topic of how we perceive others’ judgments and the impact it has on our lives and businesses. It’s something that resonates with so many of us, and I hope our conversation sheds some light on how we can navigate these feelings with more compassion and self-awareness.
The Weight of Perceived Judgments
We’ve all been there, right? You walk into a room, and suddenly you’re hit with this overwhelming feeling that everyone is judging you. Maybe you feel disorganized or out of place, and you start projecting your fears onto others. But here’s the thing: often, what we think others are thinking about us is just a reflection of our own insecurities.
I shared a story from my early coaching days when I attended a conference and helped a friend at her booth. A mindset coach on stage snapped at a woman, saying, “You mindset people. Nobody wants mindset.” It was like a dagger to my heart. I thought, “If she thinks that, how can I ever be successful?” I spiraled into self-doubt, trying to hide my true passion under more “tangible” results. But eventually, I got exhausted from pretending and embraced my true calling. And guess what? People were drawn to my authenticity.
The Power of Words
Jonathan highlighted an important point: the impact of words from those in leadership positions. “If you’re in a leadership position, be very careful about what you say without knowing who’s in the room and what they’re listening to,” he said. It’s a reminder that our words can significantly influence others, sometimes in ways we don’t intend. As leaders and coaches, it’s crucial to reflect on how we communicate and strive to uplift rather than inadvertently cause harm.
Self-Compassion and Overcoming Self-Criticism
How do we combat these negative thoughts and judgments? One key aspect is developing self-compassion. Often, our harshest critic is ourselves. We need to learn to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we offer others. Jonathan shared some insights on this, explaining how our need for external validation can stem from early life experiences, like being bullied or feeling ostracized.
Here are a few signs that may indicate we might be putting too much value on the opinions of others:
- Do you change yourself in response to feedback or the opinions of others, regardless of who it comes from?
- You allow others to make decisions for you or decide to do what someone else suggested is right for you without considering how you truly feel.
- You don’t set or maintain boundaries with others.
- You’re a perfectionist for other people in an attempt to control what they think about you.
- You don’t share your opinions unless or until you know it’s in alignment with the opinion of others in the room.
- Your peace of mind requires approval from others.
- Apologizing for all manner of things as a way to ingratiate yourself with others.
When we recognize one or more of these patterns, we can start to shift our mindset and build a healthier, more self-compassionate approach. Jonathan shared a few ways to get started:
- Expect and accept that everyone has an opinion. That doesn’t mean all opinions are for you or need to be considered.
- Practice compassion for others who may err in their judgements. We all get it wrong sometimes, and if you can recognize that in the moment, it makes it easier to evaluate.
- Be aware and work on how you judge others. The more aware you are about how you judge others can bring new awareness about how you judge yourself.
- If you are a leader, be cognizant of the words you use and how you express your opinions.
Thank you for joining us in this heartfelt conversation. Remember, you’re not alone in feeling this way, and by embracing self-compassion and authenticity, we can all move forward with greater confidence and clarity.
Let’s journey together on the path of compassionate leadership and authentic living. If this resonated with you, please share it with someone you love.
Sending you love and be well!
Resources:
Episode 7: Choose Self-Compassion Over Self-Criticism
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