Welcome back to another episode of our podcast! I can’t believe we’re already on episode 13. I’m thrilled to have both new and returning listeners joining us today. Thank you for your continued support!
Today, I want to delve into a topic that resonates with many of us: handling triggers and practicing self-compassion. Recently, I had a conversation with one of my clients about the concept of “testing” — intentionally changing behaviors that stem from self-protection but may hinder our goals. This method, which emphasizes gentle and curious approaches to behavior changes, often reveals how deeply ingrained our self-protective actions are.
During our discussion, my client expressed frustration over feeling stuck at a particular point in her progress. She asked, “How am I supposed to remember to ask myself all these questions because I get triggered A LOT every single day?” This is a common concern, and it leads us to the heart of today’s topic.
Let me set the stage with a personal story. One Saturday, my daughter and I were heading to our local farmer’s market. It was busier than usual, and we were struggling to find a parking spot. I spotted someone leaving and positioned myself to take their spot, but another car, just entering the lot, also claimed it. Normally, I would have let it go, but this time, I lost my cool. I opened my window and yelled, “You are what’s wrong with humanity!” My daughter’s comment, “I think you were both kinda rude,” made me reflect deeply on my actions.
I quickly realized that wasn’t the way I wanted to show up and I gave myself some time to process why I responded so harshly and find a way to move past it with self-compassion.
Here’s what my reflection helped me understand:
Limited Resources Amplify Triggers When basic needs (like food, shelter, money, and yes, even, parking spots) are scarce, it often brings out the worst in us. The same applies to internal resources like energy and patience.
The Need to Be Right My reaction stemmed from a strong sense of justice and the need to be right. This is a common trigger that can lead to overreactions.
Teaching Moments Despite the embarrassing situation, I turned it into a teaching moment for my kids about courtesy, self-reflection, and the importance of moving on gracefully.
Jonathan and I highlight a few ways to understand what’s happening and what you can do if you’ve gotten angry or upset.
- Recognize and Understand Triggers It’s crucial to identify who or what your triggers remind you of. This awareness can help you understand the underlying fears and memories that make situations feel dangerous or uncomfortable. Ask yourself questions like: “Who does this person remind me of?” and “What am I making this situation mean?”
- The Power of Self-Compassion Practicing self-compassion involves recognizing your triggers, understanding your responses, and forgiving yourself when you react strongly. It’s important to remember that everyone has moments of intense emotions and that these moments do not define you. Reflecting on these experiences helps to reduce their impact over time. As Jonathan mentioned, “the trigger’s still there, but it doesn’t have the impact. It now ties to a different emotion.”
- Repairing Relationships and Moving Forward When you lose your cool, it’s vital to unpack the situation and find the lessons within it. This process not only helps in self-improvement but also in teaching valuable lessons to those around you. Apologizing and asking for forgiveness, even if the person involved is not present, can be a powerful act of self-care and integrity. It’s essential to forgive yourself regardless of if others do.
Losing our cool occasionally is part of being human. What’s important is how we handle these situations afterward. By reflecting on our triggers, practicing self-compassion, and taking steps to repair any harm caused, we can grow stronger and more resilient. Remember, the goal is not to be perfect but to handle our imperfections with grace and kindness.
Thank you for joining me today. Until next time, keep practicing self-compassion and stay curious about your behaviors. Let’s navigate our triggers together and continue striving for personal growth and understanding.
Sending you love and be well!
Resources:
Episode 6: Why You Self-Sabotage
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