Rethinking Goals: Finding Joy and Purpose Beyond the Checklist
Hey love, Jonathan is back with me today and as we were getting ready to record, I couldn’t help but reflect on how often goals—those shiny, specific, time-bound targets we’re told to set—end up feeling like something that’s holding us back instead of moving us forward.
Goals have value, but if you put so much weight on them that you judge yourself by their completion, they can be demotivating.
Jonathan shares that we’ve been told if it’s not specific, measurable, and time-bound, it’s useless. But that’s not true. We also overlook our changing desires and focus as it relates to our goals. He shared that dreaming big has become outdated or is sometimes treated as a joke. Dreams and intentions are what drive us forward.
This struck a chord with me. How often do we box ourselves in, believing success means rigidly hitting targets, even when they don’t feel aligned with who we are or what we want?
We used the wellness wheel to talk about examples of a goal-setting process.
Jonathan shared a personal story about his journey with meditation, a perfect metaphor for how we can reframe our goals. During a graduate school workshop, he studied with Buddhist monks who taught traditional stillness meditation. It didn’t take long for him to realize he was in big trouble.
Jonathan tried hard to clear his mind, sit perfectly still, and follow the rules. By the final exam—a 45-minute stillness practice—he thought he had finally succeeded. But when the monk tapped him on the forehead, signaling the end of the session, he grinned and said, “You were still, but not in here,” pointing to his mind.
The lesson? Meditation doesn’t have to look one way. For Jonathan, it’s a walk among trees, the wind through an open car window, or savoring a good meal.
“You have to find what works for you,” he said. That freedom, that permission to adapt, was life changing. It’s a lesson we can all take into how we approach goals.
One of the most profound shifts I’ve made in my own life is replacing rigid goals with flexible, aligned intentions. Here’s the difference:
- Rigid Goal: I will meditate for 30 minutes every day.
- Aligned Intention: I will cultivate a sense of calm and balance in my daily life.
The first feels heavy, like a task waiting to trip me up. The second feels expansive and opens the door to multiple paths toward achieving that balance.
We talked about other examples too. Jonathan shared he wanted to strengthen communication with his friends in a way to improve his relationships.
- Rigid Goal: I will have dinner with my friends each week.
- Aligned Intention: I will reach out each week with a text or email.
The first involves planning and requires other people to show up as well. It’s likely something that would either be abandoned or feel like a big lift each week.
The aligned intention is something you can do in the moment, when you are thinking about them, or when you see something you want to share that you know they’d appreciate. Small actions aligned with your intentions can spark connection organically.
Even in business, we’ve seen how focusing on intentions leads to better outcomes. Jonathan and I had talked for years about hosting a retreat. The rigid goal, find a venue, set a date, sell out spots, felt daunting so we kept postponing any attempt to plan it. Then we shifted our focus: What was the intention?
We wanted to create a space where people could align their work with joy and purpose. That clarity made all the difference. Fast forward to today, and we’re hosting our first retreat in February, with 10 amazing people joining us in Phoenix. The process unfolded naturally because we stayed true to our “why.”
As Jonathan put it, “When you align with your intention, even frustration becomes manageable. You keep going because you’re motivated by your why.”
It helped us plan the retreat. There were big decisions to make and when it started to feel stressful, we used our intention as our filter to stay aligned and remember that it could come together easily. And it has!
That’s the magic of intentions. They act as a compass, guiding you through challenges without the rigidity of a single path. Goals can and should play a role, but they’re most powerful when they’re part of the journey, not finish lines.
If you’ve been feeling stuck or frustrated, take a step back. Ask yourself: What’s the deeper intention behind this goal? How can I begin with that instead?
This week, I challenge you to rethink a goal that’s been weighing on you. What intention could you focus on instead? If you’d like to share your feedback, or if something has landed with you in this episode, DM me on Instagram. I’d love to hear from you.
Sending you so much love and be well!
