We know that grief is a part of life but when we’re faced with loss, it’s often hard to navigate the emotions that come with grieving. Jonathan and I share our personal stories related to grief and loss on this episode because it’s a universal part of life, but it’s seldom discussed.
Navigating the path of grief is a personal journey, unique to everyone. It’s important to understand that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this experience. Grief is different for each person, and it can change over time. It’s important to know there is no right way, no rules and no timeline; just what’s right for you.
We’re all just trying to navigate our own path through a big, messy maze of emotions. So, whether you’re dealing with the loss of a person, a job, or something else entirely, it’s okay to ride the waves of grief, however and whenever they come.
In addition to our personal experiences, which we covered in the podcast, we want to also include some additional information that may help you. Here are some of the common ways grief may show up:
- Emotional rollercoaster: Grief often involves a range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and even relief. These emotions can come and go in waves, even long after we experience the initial loss.
- Physical symptoms: Grief can manifest physically, leading to symptoms like fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, headaches, or stomachaches.
- Cognitive effects: Loss can affect concentration, memory, and decision-making abilities. It might be challenging to focus on daily tasks or make choices during the grieving process.
- Social withdrawal: Grieving individuals may withdraw from social activities or isolate themselves as they navigate their emotions. The pain of loss can make it difficult to engage with others.
- Spiritual impact: For some, grief raises questions about the meaning of life, existence, and one’s beliefs. It may prompt a search for spiritual or existential understanding.
- Intense longing: A common aspect of grief is the intense longing for the person or thing that is lost. This longing can trigger moments of deep sadness and despair.
- Changes in identity: Grief can alter one’s sense of identity. People may question who they are or their role in the absence of what or whom they’ve lost.
- Behavioral changes: Grief can influence behavior, leading to changes in routine, habits, or coping mechanisms—some more healthy than others. Some people might seek solace in new activities or withdraw from familiar ones.
- Impact on relationships: The dynamics of relationships can shift due to grief. Communication may become strained, and people might struggle to connect with others.
Grieving is how we process the loss. Again, this is unique and different for all of us and there’s no right way. It can be overwhelming, or you may wonder how you’ll ever feel okay again. Staying in the present can help and we cover how using mindfulness can help.
Grieving mindfully means being aware of and accepting your emotions without judgment. It involves navigating the complex journey of grief with self-compassion and purposeful awareness. Here are a few ways to incorporate a mindful practice as part of your grief journey:
- Accept your feelings: Allow yourself to feel what you feel at any given moment, with a sense of self-compassion, and without judgment.
- Sit quietly and reflect: No matter the severity of your trauma, sit quietly and ask yourself, “Historically have I experienced other challenges in my life and how did I navigate through them?” Now use these past experiences to tap into your internal courage and strength and explore if you can implement the same strategies again.
- Express your feelings: Just as important as accepting your feelings is expressing them in a way that is helpful to you. Journaling, talking about the experience, scrapbooking, or dancing, for example, are helpful ways to process grief instead of allowing the feelings to stay stuck.
- Learn to jeep yourself centered through the unbearable feelings of grief: When the waves of sadness and helplessness wash over you initially, feel the emotion and its depth and then start to breathe through the grief with slow deep breaths and maybe some mindful motion like yoga, chi gong or just a gentle walk in nature . This will help you stay grounded and bring you back to the present.
- Reach out: During this time, it is important to reach out in multiple ways. Ask for guidance from a spiritual counselor or a psychologist. Reach out to share stories of your loved one with others, and offer support to other grievers. Find a balance between sitting with yourself and being with others, but ultimately, reach out instead of isolating yourself.
- Continue to take care of yourself and others: Living life while grieving often feels like scaling a mountain. Grieving takes energy and can often feel draining. As much as possible during this tough time, continue to eat well, exercise, and maintain wellness practices.
- Celebrate your loved one’s life: It is important through the grief process to keep the memory of your loved one alive in some way that both inspires growth and reflects and honors your relationship. This can include donating to a charity, meditating, and even planting a tree. Do what feels right for you.
Accepting how you feel is the first step to healing and the most essential in the process of mindful grieving. By allowing yourself to feel what you feel without judgment, you stop resisting your emotions. That means you can stop fighting what you feel.
You also start to understand that grief is not a linear path with nice boxes to tick off. Rather, it’s a cycle. It may come in waves, ebbing and flowing without explanation.
By understanding that, you can start to see that grief comes and goes. It becomes much easier to handle your feelings knowing that, eventually, they will pass.
Once you accept your feelings, you can give them a healthy outlet. This can include:
- writing or journaling
- art-making
- exercising
- talking and sharing
- dancing
- gardening
- volunteering
- cooking or baking
- listening to or playing music
You may find relief by talking through your feelings or you may not. That’s okay but it’s helpful to find ways to express your emotions so they don’t get stuck. Grief can be a lonely place. Whether every thought is consumed with your loss, or it comes and goes, the truth is you’re never alone in your grief.
When you’re grieving, well-meaning friends and acquaintances may want to step in to help. While their hearts may be in the right place, it might not be what you need.
For instance, some people may try to lessen the blow by saying things, like:
- “They’re in a better place now.”
- “They wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
- “Other people have it worse.”
- “You have so much going for you in life.”
This can feel like they’re trying to erase your pain and loss. Others may repeatedly check in with phone calls or visits to your home. You may find this helpful and there may be times where you need some space and that’s okay.
Communicate your needs and set healthy boundaries. When it comes to an acquaintance, you can say something simple and to-the-point, like: “I appreciate the sentiment. That’s not something that’s helpful for me right now, but I hope you have a nice day.”
With friends or family, you might say: “I know how hard it is to see me in pain and that you’re trying to help. Can we talk about what’s helpful for me and what isn’t?”
There are a lot of ideas about what grief should look like. Because of this you can sometimes feel like you’re “stuck” in your grief. This means that you may be holding yourself to false expectations of how to grieve “correctly.” When it comes to grief, there’s no finish line. While grief may come and go, the loss remains.
If you still get teary-eyed when someone you’ve lost comes up in conversation or in your thoughts years later, it doesn’t mean you’re stuck. In fact, this may be a healthy expression of your continued love and appreciation for that person.
Grief is a universal part of life, but your experience is your own. Honor your loved one by giving yourself permission to grieve in ways that work for you. Release the need to follow a timeline and embrace what works for you in each moment.
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- Send questions and feedback to hello@consciousedge.com or DM @aleciastg on Instagram.
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