Have you ever found yourself in a heated debate, only to pause later and think, “Why was that so important to me?” Jonathan and I tackled this very question in our latest episode of The Conscious Edge Podcast, where we explore how the need to be right fuels many arguments and perpetuates the polarization we see today.
This topic is deeply personal for me because I’ve lived it. There was a time when my need to be right drove so many of my interactions, at times at the expense of peace and connection. I learned that letting go of that need is not only liberating but essential for building healthier relationships, whether personal or professional.
Jonathan and I opened the episode by discussing how polarization has seeped into every facet of our lives. Social media algorithms, anonymous comments, and a society leaning on absolutes like “always” and “never” have driven us to extreme thinking.
Jonathan explains that the English language already trends toward extremes. It’s built for absolutes, not middle ground. This linguistic tendency makes it easier for us to dig in our heels and argue than to find common ground.
The need to be right often stems from something deeper. For me, it was rooted in childhood experiences where being “wrong” felt shameful. Jonathan shared similar insights, connecting the behavior to low self-esteem, lack of worthiness, or even overcompensation.
Sometimes, we’re not even aware that our need to be right is tied to an internal agenda. That’s why mindfulness is critical.
In my work with clients, using the Immunity to Change™ framework we often discuss the “if this, then that” part of our thoughts. Not only do they feel fixed and unchangeable, they can also fall into the “always” or “never” categories, leaving no space for nuance, options or asking if it’s even true.
Jonathan suggests “truth testing” to gain clarity around where these beliefs come from. Are you sure they are accurate? Can we recall how we’ve come to consider this unchangeable?
Mindfulness starts with recognizing your own triggers. When you feel the urge to prove someone wrong or insert your point of view, take a pause. As I explained on the podcast, “When I’m listening to someone, I check in with my body. I notice where I feel tension or emotion. Then I ask myself: Is this worth responding to? Do I need to say anything at all?”
This small act of mindfulness creates space for choosing peace instead of conflict.
Choosing peace doesn’t mean becoming a doormat. It’s about deciding what truly matters. If something isn’t important, let it go. Jonathan calls this “power under control, We both share how we’ve had to learn to navigate these moments. One of my favorites from the podcast was about a little girl in a checkout line who told her mom, “Make good choices,” after a cashier was rude. That simple reminder shifted the mother’s response from conflict to calm.
What You Can Do Today
Here’s how you can practice letting go of the need to be right:
- Active Listening: Pay attention to what’s being said without planning your rebuttal.
- Ask Questions: Use phrases like “Tell me more” to understand someone’s perspective.
- Check Your Agenda: Ask yourself if proving your point will really make a difference.
- Choose Peace: If the argument isn’t essential, let it go.
If you’re being honest, authentic, and compassionate and still getting defensiveness, it’s time to step out. You can choose peace without resentment.
We live in a world where polarization has become the norm, but that doesn’t mean it has to be our reality. By practicing mindfulness, listening actively, and letting go of the need to be right, we can shift from arguments to meaningful conversations.
I invite you to reflect on the relationships in your life and ask yourself: What matters more—the relationship or being right?
Sending you so much love and be well.
Connect with Us:
- Send questions and feedback to hello@consciousedge.com or DM @aleciastg on Instagram.
Looking for additional support? Here’s a few opportunities:
✈️Going away soon! Learn more about the Redefining Success Retreat February 2025: This is a 3 day/4 night experience in Phoenix to help you get clarity, explore money blocks, and create a plan to bring the spark back into your business and make 2025 your best year yet.
Learn more about The Exponential Entrepreneur: This is a year-long coaching program for women business owners and real estate investors who don’t need more strategy and suspect they themselves are the biggest obstacle in the way.
